How to Prepare for Couples Therapy

For many people, reaching out for help with their relationship feel vulnerable, uncertain, and even a little terrifying… One of the things I love about couples therapy is the difference that it can make to your life – when our relationships are challenging, it’s really tough on us emotionally, mentally and physically (from a nervous system perspective).  When we are able to better understand our partners, understand how our own stuff impacts the relationship and learn relational skills, our lives are transformed – and if you have children; their lives are transformed too as they will be learning relational skills from you.

This guide is to help you feel more comfortable about what to expect but please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions that are not covered here or in the FAQs here.

Reflect on Your Goals for Couples Counselling

Before your first couples therapy session, take some time individually to think about what you hope to achieve through counselling. What changes would you like to see in your relationship? What patterns would you like to shift? How would your days look and feel together? While you don’t need to have all the answers, having a sense of your hopes and goals will help guide our work together.

Here are some common goals for couples therapy however I want you to get really specific for your particular situation:
- Improving communication and reducing conflict
- Rebuilding trust after infidelity or betrayal
- Navigating major life transitions together
- Reconnecting emotionally and physically
- Learning to fight fair and resolve disagreements
- Understanding each other’s needs better

It’s okay if your goals differ from your partner’s—that’s actually quite common and something we’ll explore during our time together. 

Consider Your Relationship History

Think about the journey you’ve taken together. What brought you together in the first place? What have been your strongest moments as a couple? When did you first notice challenges emerging? This reflection can provide valuable context for me as your couples therapist and help you reconnect with the positive foundation of your relationship.

Be Open to Vulnerability in Therapy

Couples therapy works best when both partners are willing to be honest and vulnerable. This can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to sharing difficult feelings openly. Remember that the therapy room is a safe, confidential space designed specifically for these conversations.

Many people worry about what to expect in couples therapy, particularly around emotional exposure. It’s normal to feel nervous about opening up, but…vulnerability is where real healing and connection happen.

Manage Your Expectations for Couples Counselling

Therapy is a process, not a quick fix but when done well, it is life changing. Most couples don’t see dramatic changes after one session, but rather experience gradual improvements over time. Some sessions may feel challenging or bring up difficult emotions—this is often part of the healing process. Trust that growth sometimes requires discomfort.

I like to explain couples therapy like learning a new language.  It takes time and you also have to practice the work out of session so you don’t forget all the new things you’ve learnt.  Couples therapy is, brain plasticity in action.  We are literally changing our neural networks. 

Practice Individual Self-Reflection

While couples therapy focuses on your relationship, it’s also important to reflect on your own patterns, triggers, and communication style. Consider how your family background, past relationships, and personal experiences might influence how you show up in your partnership.

When we are more connected to ourselves with loving awareness, we create the foundation for deeper, more authentic connection—with our partners and with the world we inhabit.

Commit to Honesty in Your Sessions

For therapy to be effective, both partners need to commit to honesty—with the therapist, with each other, and with themselves. This includes being open about difficult topics, even when they feel scary to address. I do have a pass rule too – so if anything feels too much or you’re not ready to “go there” yet, you can pass.

Set Aside Judgment and Blame

Try to approach therapy with curiosity rather than blame. Sometimes, we think therapy will fix the other person but really it is about your relationship as a whole – which is looking at how the two of you keep finding yourselves in patterns of disconnection. 

Online Sessions

If your sessions is online, please find a space that is away from any distractions and that allows you to feel comfortable to discuss your relationship openly.

Plans for after your session

If you can, organise for time to be gentle after our appointments.  Sometimes sessions will be exciting and you’ll feel great because of what you have learnt or you’ve experienced a breakthrough, and sometimes, you’ll feel tender.  Take the time to do what you can to take care of yourself and each other.

You’re investing in your relationship and in each other—and that’s something to be proud of. When we embrace relationship and connection, we naturally deepen our connection to all life around us.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship journey, contact me today to schedule your first couples therapy session.