I believe in our capacity to grow, change and create different ways of being. Leopards can change their spots. And I believe that the work we do to better understand ourselves and how we relate to others has the potential to reach far beyond our individual lives.
Every day, through how we relate to ourselves, the relationships we have, the choices we make and the ways we treat one another, we contribute to shaping the world we live in. We are not separate from the world around us. We are active participants in creating it.
I don't subscribe to the idea that we are powerless to change the world. Rather, I believe that we are the power that changes the world.
This is one of the reasons I believe so deeply in Gestalt psychotherapy.
People come to therapy for many reasons. They may be struggling in their relationships, experiencing anxiety or depression, navigating difficult circumstances or wanting to feel differently about themselves and their lives. These are all meaningful reasons to seek support.
I also see therapy as an opportunity to become more conscious of how we live, how we participate in relationships and the impact we have on the people and world around us. When I consider the collective possibilities of this work, I see therapy as part of a movement towards a more conscious, kinder and more tolerant world.
We are shaped by our relationships and the world around us
One of the things I appreciate about Gestalt psychotherapy is its understanding that we cannot separate ourselves from the environments in which we live.
We are relational beings, shaped by our experiences with others and the world around us. From our earliest relationships, we learn about ourselves, how to connect with others, how to belong and what we need to do to maintain those important connections. Our families, communities, cultures and broader social structures all influence how we come to experience ourselves and the world.
Much of this learning happens outside our conscious awareness.
We might learn to avoid conflict because disagreement has threatened connection in the past. We might struggle to express our needs because we've learnt that putting others first helps us feel valued. Or we might become defensive when criticised because acknowledging our impact on someone else leaves us feeling particularly vulnerable.
These ways of responding can develop for different reasons. Some may have helped us manage overwhelming experiences, protect ourselves or preserve important relationships. Others may simply be ways of behaving and relating that we've observed and learnt from the people around us.
Over time, however, we may discover that these familiar ways of being no longer support the lives and relationships we want. We might find ourselves having the same arguments, experiencing the same disappointments or responding in ways that leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves and others.
Awareness and the possibility of change
At the heart of Gestalt psychotherapy is the development of awareness.
Through therapy, we can become more conscious of our thoughts, feelings, bodily experiences and relational patterns that were previously out of our awareness. We begin to understand how our experiences have shaped us, why we respond in particular ways and what happens within us as we move through our everyday lives.
One of the Gestalt principles I particularly appreciate is the paradoxical theory of change. It proposes that change becomes possible through becoming more fully aware of and accepting who we truly are, rather than continually trying to force ourselves to become someone different.
As we begin to understand the ways we've learnt to protect ourselves, we may recognise that behaviours we've criticised ourselves for developed at times when we were doing the best we could with the awareness, resources and support available to us. This understanding can help us meet ourselves with greater kindness and compassion, including the parts of our humanity that we find difficult.
As we become more accepting of our own experiences, we may also find it easier to extend that understanding to others. We begin to appreciate that other people have also been shaped by their experiences, relationships and circumstances. Their behaviours, even when challenging for us, may reflect their own attempts to protect themselves or maintain connection.
Of course, understanding why someone behaves in a particular way doesn't mean accepting hurtful behaviour. We can hold compassion for someone's experience while also recognising their responsibility for how they treat others.
As our awareness develops, so does our capacity to recognise what's happening within us and consider how we want to respond. We have greater opportunity to behave in ways that reflect what matters to us, rather than automatically returning to familiar patterns. For example, rather than immediately becoming defensive when someone tells us we've hurt them, we might recognise our discomfort and become curious about it. This can help us remain present, listen to the other person's experience and take responsibility for our impact.
Beyond ourselves
Our growing awareness can also change how much attention we have available for the world beyond our immediate experience.
When we're overwhelmed, frightened or living in a constant state of protection, much of our attention and energy can be consumed by managing our immediate experience. We may be so focused on getting through the day, maintaining safety or coping with life's demands that there is little space to consider much beyond them.
As we develop greater capacity to support ourselves and move out of these protective states, we may begin to have more room for other things. We can start to consider the kind of life we want to live, the relationships we want to create and, more broadly, the kind of world we want to be part of.
We might begin questioning some of the beliefs and assumptions we've inherited about how life should be, how people should behave and what makes someone valuable. We may become more conscious of the social and cultural structures that influence our lives, including those that contribute to inequality, exclusion or disconnection.
And we can begin to consider our own participation in these structures.
Are the choices we make, the ways we behave and how we treat others helping to create the kind of world we want to live in?
What might we want to do less of? What might we want to do more of?
For some of us, this might involve becoming more conscious of how we exercise power in our relationships. For others, it might mean challenging inherited beliefs, becoming more willing to engage with people whose experiences differ from our own or reconsidering the values that guide our everyday decisions.
The world we create together
I believe we have far more influence over the world we live in than we sometimes recognise.
As we become more conscious of ourselves and how we relate to others, we can begin to imagine the kind of world we want to help create. Perhaps one with more kindness, compassion, tolerance or generosity.
We can become curious about how these qualities are already present in our lives and how we might invite more of them into our everyday experiences.
For example, if kindness is something we'd like to see more of in the world, we might notice how kind we are towards ourselves and how kindness shows up in our interactions with others. And on days when kindness feels a little distant, we can meet ourselves with warmth and understanding too.
As more of us begin to live with greater awareness and intention, the possibilities for collective change grow.
What changes within us can ripple outwards into our relationships, our families, our communities and, ultimately, the wider world.
For me, this is one of the most meaningful possibilities of psychotherapy. Alongside helping us navigate life's difficulties and experience greater wellbeing, it offers us the opportunity to participate more consciously in creating the kind of world we want to live in.
The world doesn't change independently of us. We are part of how it changes.
About Biannka Brannigan
Biannka Brannigan is a psychotherapist and couples therapist with a Master's degree in Gestalt Psychotherapy and advanced training in Relational Life Therapy. She works with individuals and couples, supporting them to develop greater self-awareness, understand their relational patterns and create meaningful change in their lives and relationships.
Biannka offers psychotherapy and relationship counselling in person in Far North Queensland and online across Australia and internationally.