The person who seems least affected by relationship difficulties may not be the person who feels the least - they may simply have become very good at moving away from what feels uncomfortable. This post looks at how avoidant attachment develops, what it can look like in adult relationships, and how to move gently toward more security without losing what makes independence a strength.

Attachment theory has become shorthand for a personality quiz - anxious, avoidant, secure, disorganised. But at its best, it's not a label. It's a way of bringing awareness to the patterns shaping how we connect, with others and with ourselves - and a reminder that none of it is fixed.

In the world of modern relationships, the journey of finding a suitable partner can often be daunting and overwhelming. Many of us enter relationships with the desire to present our best selves, fearing that revealing our vulnerabilities and imperfections might scare potential partners away. Leading with, “I have a tendency to be really lazy and I hate washing up” has probably never been top of mind when meeting someone new… However, philosopher Alain de Botton urges us to take a different approach. He encourages us to embrace our true selves, including the crazy parts, and share these aspects with our potential partners.