The Cost of Being Right: Defensiveness and Justifying in Relationships

Someone we love tells us we've hurt them, and before they've even finished speaking, we're explaining why we didn't mean it, why we were justified, why anyone would have done the same. This is defensiveness, one of the most common and corrosive patterns in relationships. Here's what it protects us from, what it costs us, and why curiosity, not being right, is the way through it.